Weary Memory.

Listening to Illinoise. I can’t stop listening to it. At first I resented all the mainstream recognition, but they’re all right. It’s incredible.

I leave for Prague tomorrow. Well, London, then Prague. At this time tomorrow night I will be on the plane there.

I’ve been having some insane memory-moments these past few days. For some reason, being here makes me think about being at my apartment in Squirrel Hill. Weird things have been triggering these insanely vivid memories, like visceral, tangible ones. They other day I put on this deodorant that I used last year, but hadn’t used in LA, and I was instantly transported to taking a shower and putting on a tank top to get ready for a spring/summer Pittsburgh outing with Jut. And I used this conditioner in my hair that I hadn’t used all summer and it was the same — that feeling of getting ready for a night out, or in. . .just a good night, where I knew exactly what to expect and knew I would be completely happy and fulfilled. I could feel that.

I’ve been saying that I like being on-the-road for these months, to not have a place to lay my head. But it has been so nice being with Jut, and now being at home, living a normal life, not going 20 hours a day, having a bedroom and a bathroom and a kitchen that are mine to use. I know Prague is going to be different from this summer, which will be good, but I’m ready to be a real person again, with a normal existence. And I miss Jut. Like, more than I have, ever. I just keep thinking about things and thinking about life and I’m like, I want to do this — to sruggle together and be poor flippin idiots in San Francisco, to have fun and be young and in love and not know what the next step is but not care. I want that like crazy. Which is crazy.

So, here I go. My next post will be from Europe.

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